apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your penis caused this!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
