i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
