how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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