Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
