If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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