Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
