U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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