I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
