hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
