I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
