Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
