She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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