Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
