Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize