shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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