Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Randomize
