Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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