I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my being single is dangerous.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
