There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
