Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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