Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
