i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
