Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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