you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
