Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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