i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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