He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize