the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
