he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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