dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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