ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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