Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
third nipple confirmed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
