he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
