haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
