One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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