Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
