Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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