maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
