Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
