sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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