Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize