What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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