you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Enjoy the penises
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
