Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
