I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
