Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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