if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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