dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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