I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize