Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
