I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
