At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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