I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize