I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
