Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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