My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
