The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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