There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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