When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
