to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
