based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize