I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
