Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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