New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
