I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
