she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Actions speak louder than pants.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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