So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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