I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just google imaged poop.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
