Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
