when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
