just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
