So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
