You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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