I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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