What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
