I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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