you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
