I just cut my nipple shaving
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
