He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize