where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
