i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
